MO's bar and grill!

[TNRighty]

A man owns a donkey. One day the donkey rears up and kicks his wife in the head and kills her instantly. At the funeral visitation, as he is greeting those paying their last respects, a man in the back of the receiving line notices something funny. Whenever a woman comes through the line, she gives him a hug and he nods his head up and down saying "yes." Every time a man comes through he shakes his head side to side saying "no." When the man in the back of the line gets up front, he asks the old man what's up with the head nods. The old man explains, "The women that come through ask me if I'm holding up OK. The men are asking me if my donkey is for sale."

[MO]

Subject: pharmacy


A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks "What for?"

She says "I want to kill my husband."

He says "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

[scummybear]

I'll have a scotch please! no ice.

[MO]

I'll have one with you! You know, it's amazing that I don't drink more. But I'm not about to start drinking any less!

[scummybear]

Let's toast your 1000th post! ;D

[MO]

I'll drink to that. I suppose I should commemorate by saying something profound. I just can't do it today!
So-
Over the lips and down the throat
May you never wake up
Next to a goat!

[scummybear]

Cheers!

[MO]

Line 'em up and strike up the band!

[Peanut]

I dont know if this one is appropiate, but what the hell, i'll give it a go and see if i'm scolded by MO.

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson??

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Michael Jackson likes to have sex with children.

[BOLO]

I tink you guys run a place over on de udder side of the street, cause I thought I saw you there. eder that or you got doubles, twins even.
Ah well.
Blind man walks into bar, feels his way down to a seat, sits.
Bartender (female) walks up, "What'll you have"
"A beer" he replies.
She serves it, as she sets it down he says "you wanna hear a Blonde Joke"?
Silence all around for a minute.
Then from his right. "Mister, I should tell you, I am a blonde. I am a weapons expert and very good a what I do, on your left is a blonde, and she is a martial arts expert, and well trained, behind you is another blond, she lifts weights for a living, and can bench press 500 lbs, also your bartender is blonde." "You still want to tell that joke"?
.........................................................................................
after a few seconds of silence he replies.
"No, not if I have to explain it four times."


I'll have the house speciality please.
Are you a blonde?? Uh. Oh.

[TNRighty]

An American, a Brit, and a Frenchman escape from jail. They're being chased by some guards and make a dash into a dead end back alley. The Brit notices several large dumpsters full of empty potato sacks and says, "quick, everybody jump in a dumpster." As the cops are searching the alley they hear a noise coming from the American's dumpster..."meeow, meeow," squeeks the American. "Ah, nothing but a cat, keep looking," says the guard. They hear something from the Brit's dumpster..."ruff, ruff." "Just a dog, keep looking," replies the guard. They approach the Frenchman's dumpster. "Shhh, I hear something coming from that pile of potato sacks." To which the nervous Frenchman responds, "POTATO"

[MO]

Those are some good jokes! Keep them coming! I need laughs!

Are you a blonde?? Uh. Oh.

NO!

I hear the French are training some special forces!

[scummybear]

BOLO said:

Are you a blonde?? Uh. Oh.

Of course she's not a blonde, can't you see her picture?

I'll have another ssscotch pleeease!

[BOLO]

From Mo.

NO!

scummybear

Of course she's not a blonde, can't you see her picture?

Axshully at this point of intoxicating, seeing is a definite problem . I will accept that she is not a blonde. Whew, That mean I can get another drink???

I'm sure some of you can relate, and those that can't, well,
this might explain why we are the way we are.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D.

(Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.)

This is how it manifests:
I decide to wash my car.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on
the hall table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash
can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out
the trash first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when
I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only
one check left
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk
where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the
Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over as I do,
I note that the Coke is getting warm, I decide I should put
it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on
the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and discover my reading
glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going
to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container
with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, on the Kitchen table
where someone left it.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking
for the remote, but I won't remember it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first
I'll water the flowers, so I splash some water on the flowers,
but most of it spills on the floor, so, I set the remote back
down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can
of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there
is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys
and when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help
for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC

I'll have a beer. I can say it easier.

[scummybear]

I resemble that remark! ;D