Post by Franklin on Nov 23, 2004 14:28:33 GMT -5
Dear Friends,
Recently I was approached by a parishioner wondering to what extent he was required to undertake evangelism on a personal level. As true Christians we are obliged to try to save as many lost souls as we can. In witnessing to Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Democrats and other unsaved trash, I have heard time and again from people who are leery of our faith because they think that life as a Christian would be difficult. This gross misconception will ensure that countless people we know will wind up in Hell, roasting on one of Satan’s many pitchforks, as their privates burn to a crisp. We must all spread the message that being a Christian isn’t hard at all. In fact, it’s the easiest lifestyle imaginable.
Start out by letting your unsaved friends know they need not have courage to become a Christian. In fact, it is precisely because they lack courage that many of our brothers and sisters became Christians. We all fear death. We all fear the unknown. We all fear the possibility there may be nothing after this mortal life. Psychologists and 12-step programs teach people to confront these fears head-on and overcome them. But True Christians know better. In fact, our faith uses these fears to induce people to join our ranks. Why should anyone have to confront his fears when our faith promises an afterlife of all good and no bad?
Let your unsaved friends know they don’t need self-esteem to be Christians. In fact, self-esteem is a barrier to salvation. Christians don’t think positively about ourselves, for our faith teaches that we are miserable beings, born into sin. Every one of us is so despicable that we deserve to burn in flames forever. It is only by the grace of God that we will wind up in Heaven—we have certainly done nothing to deserve to be there. Christians take no pride in anything we accomplish on Earth, for worldly accomplishments are evil (1 John 2:16; 1 Timothy 3:6). True Christians, like many psychiatric outpatients, think of ourselves as totally undeserving, wretched beings, who are lucky God has decided to spare us. In other words, one needn’t seek psychiatric help and eliminate feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness to be a Christian. Those emotions are the essence of our faith and a key to our salvation.
Let your unsaved friends know, as Christians, they won’t have to worry about or deal with their problems. Are they poverty-stricken? Illiterate? In ill health? In an abusive relationship? Secular thought would have them seek education, job training, a healthier lifestyle and divorce to overcome these problems. But True Christians know better. We tell them they shouldn’t be ashamed of their plight at all. In fact, they should be proud to be disenfranchised. After all, the meek, the poor, the hungry and the persecuted are blessed (Matthew 5:3-6). They will be rewarded in Heaven for their suffering on Earth. Become a Christian and you will no longer feel compelled to cope or deal with your mortal problems.
Finally, let your unsaved friends know they needn’t be good people to become Christians. Our faith teaches that we all come up short—we all sin. But by accepting Jesus, all our sins are forgiven – both our sins of the past and the ones we will inevitably commit in the future! In fact, even those committing the most evil acts imaginable will still go to Heaven, so long as they are saved.
The bottom line is that being a Christian is the easiest lifestyle one could ever adopt. You need no courage, no self-esteem and no motivation. In fact, those lacking anything other than the abject desire for something better than what they now have are prime candidates for salvation. Typically, these people turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, food or some other vice. Those crutches cause liver cirrhosis, heart attacks, venereal disease and obesity. Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, has none of those ill side effects. It’s sugar-free, fat-free, error-free and Satan-free.
With this message in hand, you should have no difficulty dramatically improving the success of your witnessing and gaining new entrants to the Bowels of Mother Church. After all, once your friends know that the characteristics of which they are most ashamed are precisely the characteristics that make up a True Christian, they should have no trouble substituting Jesus for the bottle.
In His Name,
Bishop Franklin
Arch-Bishop, Saint Dawg Diocese
Resident Catholic Apologist
Recently I was approached by a parishioner wondering to what extent he was required to undertake evangelism on a personal level. As true Christians we are obliged to try to save as many lost souls as we can. In witnessing to Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Democrats and other unsaved trash, I have heard time and again from people who are leery of our faith because they think that life as a Christian would be difficult. This gross misconception will ensure that countless people we know will wind up in Hell, roasting on one of Satan’s many pitchforks, as their privates burn to a crisp. We must all spread the message that being a Christian isn’t hard at all. In fact, it’s the easiest lifestyle imaginable.
Start out by letting your unsaved friends know they need not have courage to become a Christian. In fact, it is precisely because they lack courage that many of our brothers and sisters became Christians. We all fear death. We all fear the unknown. We all fear the possibility there may be nothing after this mortal life. Psychologists and 12-step programs teach people to confront these fears head-on and overcome them. But True Christians know better. In fact, our faith uses these fears to induce people to join our ranks. Why should anyone have to confront his fears when our faith promises an afterlife of all good and no bad?
Let your unsaved friends know they don’t need self-esteem to be Christians. In fact, self-esteem is a barrier to salvation. Christians don’t think positively about ourselves, for our faith teaches that we are miserable beings, born into sin. Every one of us is so despicable that we deserve to burn in flames forever. It is only by the grace of God that we will wind up in Heaven—we have certainly done nothing to deserve to be there. Christians take no pride in anything we accomplish on Earth, for worldly accomplishments are evil (1 John 2:16; 1 Timothy 3:6). True Christians, like many psychiatric outpatients, think of ourselves as totally undeserving, wretched beings, who are lucky God has decided to spare us. In other words, one needn’t seek psychiatric help and eliminate feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness to be a Christian. Those emotions are the essence of our faith and a key to our salvation.
Let your unsaved friends know, as Christians, they won’t have to worry about or deal with their problems. Are they poverty-stricken? Illiterate? In ill health? In an abusive relationship? Secular thought would have them seek education, job training, a healthier lifestyle and divorce to overcome these problems. But True Christians know better. We tell them they shouldn’t be ashamed of their plight at all. In fact, they should be proud to be disenfranchised. After all, the meek, the poor, the hungry and the persecuted are blessed (Matthew 5:3-6). They will be rewarded in Heaven for their suffering on Earth. Become a Christian and you will no longer feel compelled to cope or deal with your mortal problems.
Finally, let your unsaved friends know they needn’t be good people to become Christians. Our faith teaches that we all come up short—we all sin. But by accepting Jesus, all our sins are forgiven – both our sins of the past and the ones we will inevitably commit in the future! In fact, even those committing the most evil acts imaginable will still go to Heaven, so long as they are saved.
The bottom line is that being a Christian is the easiest lifestyle one could ever adopt. You need no courage, no self-esteem and no motivation. In fact, those lacking anything other than the abject desire for something better than what they now have are prime candidates for salvation. Typically, these people turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, food or some other vice. Those crutches cause liver cirrhosis, heart attacks, venereal disease and obesity. Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, has none of those ill side effects. It’s sugar-free, fat-free, error-free and Satan-free.
With this message in hand, you should have no difficulty dramatically improving the success of your witnessing and gaining new entrants to the Bowels of Mother Church. After all, once your friends know that the characteristics of which they are most ashamed are precisely the characteristics that make up a True Christian, they should have no trouble substituting Jesus for the bottle.
In His Name,
Bishop Franklin
Arch-Bishop, Saint Dawg Diocese
Resident Catholic Apologist
