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Post by Archbishop Johnson on Jun 30, 2005 17:43:12 GMT -5
From Johnson, an Archbishop of the Faithful at Rantweb, a Servant of the Most High, a Defender of Widows and the Poor, a Dispenser of Justice tempered with Mercy, a Protector of the Weak, and a Helper of the Needy,
Comes a thread of daily Heavenly Greetings, for the encouragement of the Right and the disillusionment of the Wrong, namely, the Left.
May all godly Republican, conservative Christians at Rantweb enjoy the vestiges of this Blessed Thursday and, as Friday approacheth, look forward to the coming Day as one of Victory: for themselves, the Kingdom, the Church, and the Republican Party.
As ye post, remember that ye walk in the light, and that Christ extends to you his hand of favor. Go forward then, rip and tear with sacrosanct approval.
Currently I am in the process of sifting through the virtual Wheat and Chaff, a task I am undertaking with the able assistance of Abbot Wood who, in his own capacity, shall deal with the Chaff.
"Who is on the LORD'S side?" (Leviticus 16:29-30) Currently we shall name Mo, TN Righty, Scrap, Groucho, Ian, Bolo, Patriot, and an indefinite Few beside these.
May all God's Republican Children check this thread for regular words of encouragement in their daily walk-- a walk which proceeds to certain victory.
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Post by MO on Jul 1, 2005 3:22:01 GMT -5
"a Dispenser of Justice tempered with Mercy"
Are you Judge Wapner?
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Post by Archbishop Johnson on Jul 1, 2005 17:46:32 GMT -5
From the desk of One who never makes mistrakes, comes a Heavenly Greeting on this blessed Friday evening.
In pondering my devotional material this afternoon, wondering what words I should bring to the Lord's People at Rantweb, it dawned on me that, along with a daily blessing, I should also offer a brief homily on some inspirational topic or another.
Hence I am now drawn up at my desk, with an array of books, newspapers, Apocryphas, casks of holy water, and of course, a stuffed Foamy Dog which I purchased at the Rantweb online store. I made certain of course that Satan was not at work, causing old Foamy to foam at the mouth.
Onward and upward, then, to new heights of thought.
Dearest children, when I survery the vast canvas of our Republican landscape, I am apt to jump from my lazy-boy and shout for joy! The heathen rage, and plot against the Lord's annointed. Yet look at the blessings which the Lord hath bestowed on us in recent years. A godly Republican President, elected for two consecutive terms, who shall lead us until 2010. A war, waged against Infidels who have denied our Great God and Savior, Jesus the Christ. We have been afforded the opportunity to literally blast the Heathen to smithereens in not one, but two separate countries: Iraq and Afghanistan. I can only marvel at the Lord's handiwork. Have we not been appointed to spearhead this new crusade?
Furthermore there is now a cap on scientific research, particularly stem-cell research. I can only shout, "Amen!" to this glorious, glorious prolonging of Church authority over the realm of science.
Be well, Lambs of the Flock. You are beloved of the Father, and of Bishop Johnson. Blast away at your liberal opponents with the gusto of Jeremiah, confident that victory is yours, now and on the Last Day.
In Him,
AB Johnson
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Post by Archbishop Johnson on Jul 2, 2005 12:34:35 GMT -5
Dear Flock,
The Lord's righteous right-wing hand has again manifested itself in our holy nation. I bring tidings of the utmost joy on this day preceeding the Sabbath. The first female Supreme Court justice, Sandra Day O'Connor, has announced her retirement from the Court. Glory to God. I am transported into an aura of mystery and awe, just realizing how Jehovah still provides for all Conservative, God-fearing Christians who adhere to the Word, which states specifically that only men are to be in leadership roles. She is gone, and the Lord shall soon wipe out the rest of the unholy rabble polluting the Highest Institution in the country. Including any men whose views clash with those of the established Church.
Keep the faith, and remember, a single Servant of God armed with the power of prayer, is twenty times as powerful as the millions of Heathen destined for slaughter in the anals of eternity. Raise your swords, take up your pens, and post without fear against the Devil's minions!
May a blessed Saturday ensue upon all, especially upon Abbot Wood, whose Daily Curse Column has, and will, prove so beneficial in this war of darkness and light.
In Him,
AB Johnson
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Post by midcan5 on Jul 2, 2005 15:22:16 GMT -5
And may I Archbishop Johnson enhance and lend to your homily for the republicans some more honest prayer so that we know clearly whose side god is on.
So forthwith may the new deal be pushed back so all may suffer rightly on this earth as poverty and greed are not to be countered but to be blessed.
And Roe v Wade abolished so sinners may suffer and their offspring realize that suffering, so be it in thy name.
And gays be taught the right way and emulate the just and meek of the republican party especially those who honor marriage often by doing so often as Rush does.
And contraceptives be banned, as to spill one's seed in a piece of latex does not honor god with progenies but wastes the holiness of love.
And welfare be banned so the lazy can have an opportunity to raise above their lot and become CEOs.
And praise Jesus for walmart as some need all those riches so as to show the true spirit of capitalism, so be it in thy word.
And Jesus said clearly, that to have as the heathens of Europe do, health care, is to fly in the face of prayer and not to honor divine wisdom.
And so on this weekend of humid heat and symbolic color may the bombs drop on heathens of gods other than ours and may pestilence rest with them and may those who dwell in the corporate holiness of the Republican party enjoy the fruits of inside trading and the others the anger of a wrathful god. amen
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Post by Patriot on Jul 2, 2005 18:03:24 GMT -5
Midcan:
I have a feeling that ArchBishop Johnson doesn't really care what others are going to say in this thread. He's just going to keep forging ahead with the Good News for those of us who appreciate it!
But, Midcan, you wrote:
This may come as a shock to you but FDR's "New Deal" ended nearly 60 years ago!
So, continue to wallow in ignorance and hatred. We, on the other hand, who are on the side of Right (hear my call, Bishop Johnson, I join thee on the Right side of Heaven!) can be gracious enough to overlook your animosity and sour attitude. We can overlook it because, as the wise Bishop already noted, we've got the country under control. Not you. Haha!
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Post by Archbishop Johnson on Jul 2, 2005 18:21:16 GMT -5
Midcan,
You have been identified as among the Goats at Rantweb. Accordingly, your Goat File has been faxed to Abbot Wood who shall assign appropriate sanctions concurrent with the Divine Will, possibly entailing a holy curse of eternal damnation. I believe you will find him available next Tuesday in the Daily Curse Thread.
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Post by midcan5 on Jul 3, 2005 7:45:11 GMT -5
AB, so the honorable Wood-head will past judgement, is he commensurate in honorableness with his holiness Jimmy Sweigert or Jim Baker? In that case it seems goats are blessed and the gods have ordained the hypocritical who speak in their names the veil of sinner and fool. Beware AB Johnson for lightening may strike where it would do best, stay in the darkness of republican holiness for your own safety dear fool. It is not for nothing that the goats roam free in the high mountains of clarity and freedom.
And to add to our glorious and happy republican prayer:
On this beautiful Sunday may we finally end our support of the UN and UNICEF for our god so loves our corporatism that having the poor and destitute not only cleanses them of worldly aspirations but facilitates a more pliant worker in our holy sweat shops.
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Post by groucho on Jul 3, 2005 10:02:56 GMT -5
Thank you, Father!! Your Good Works are much appreciated. ;D This Lamb-of-the-Right is going to celebrate 229 years of FREEDOM the traditional way - by releasing a couple hundred cubic yard's worth of HICKORY CHARCOAL SMOKE into the atmosphere!!! Accompanied of course by the Heavenly Aroma of seared bovine flesh!!!!  (I just wish my Beloved Bigglesworth could share in the pleasure with me.......  ) I hope the rest of "the Flock" here engage in equally rewarding passtimes this weekend!! HAPPY JULY 4!!!!!!! |
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Post by Patriot on Jul 3, 2005 11:06:06 GMT -5
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Post by Ian on Jul 3, 2005 11:27:36 GMT -5
It's the fourth!?!? Just checked my clock and it seems you two are a day early. Thank God, I thought I had missed Groucho's pig roast. I hope Bishop Johnson makes an appearance later today to offer a holiday blessing hopefully tempered with a historical reminiscence or two. Anyway: Happy July 3rd!!!  |
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Post by Archbishop Johnson on Jul 3, 2005 11:58:35 GMT -5
Dear Faithful,
I can barely contain the ecstasy which fills my immortal soul as we approach the sacred birthday of this righteous land-- a land which, despite its troubles, was born of spiritual giants and brought forth from the cradle by the Most High himself. Is it not God who ordains kings, and casts them down? The Apostle reminds us that "he who began a good work within us shall carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil1:6). We have not been abandoned, in this Demoncratic age. To the contrary we are on the cusp of eternity, prophesied from the very beginning, and safe in the hand of the Father.
As we look toward the approaching holiday, celebrating the ramification of the Declaration of Independece, we are reminded of the Divine Intervention which saved the fledgling Continental Army from destruction at the hands of King George III, of the House of Hanover. We are reminded of the supernatural mist which descended over Manhattan, allowing General Washington to evacuate his troops without being detected, under the very nose of British war-ships. History books forget, indeed, that this remarkable mist was antedated by the Prayers of Washington and his brigade staff. That it lasted only long enough for the successful evacuation, and then vanished into the nighttime sky.
We are reminded of the tune played by British General Cornwallis' band, when he surrendered to Washington at Yorktown. The tune was titled, "The World Turned Upside Down". Indeed, the world DID turn upside down, as a handful of farmers, led by a Godly leader, faced and defeated the world's most powerful military, and secured the freedom of this vast continent. Today, amid our national concerns and personal cares, how many of us have forgotten that the same God which enabled Washington, will also enable those who call upon his name?
The Lord is not afraid of terrorism. He is not afraid of standing armies. He is not afraid of anything on the earth, in the sky, or on the sea. He is the Creator of it all. The Psalmist tells us that He scorns the wicked. He laughs at them in derision. It is God who gives life, and God who takes life away. He is not afraid of those who mock his name. He condemns, and justifies, as he so chooses.
What we face as a nation is but a drop in the bucket compared to the miracles worked by the Lord for those whom he has ordained. Recall that he made the sun stand still, for the benefit of the people of Israel. Remember that he enabled David to slay the giant Goliath with nothing but a sling. It was the Lord who directed a single pebble, cast from the sling of a shephard, to annihilate the greatest warrior of the Philistine army.
And it is that God who we worship, and who is with us today. Thus, as we gather for this sacred birthday of the United States-- which has risen from the dust to become the world's superpower-- let us remember that we who follow the Word, shall be protected by the Author of that Word, who has appointed us for salvation.
Happy July 4th!
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Post by groucho on Jul 3, 2005 13:11:41 GMT -5
It's the fourth!?!? Just checked my clock and it seems you two are a day early. Thank God, I thought I had missed Groucho's pig roast. I hope Bishop Johnson makes an appearance later today to offer a holiday blessing hopefully tempered with a historical reminiscence or two. Anyway: Happy July 3rd!!! Never too early to celebrate our Independence!!! ;D Who's up for a well-smoked "pig-sicle?"  ;D |
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Post by Patriot on Jul 4, 2005 14:44:18 GMT -5
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
give me a few cannon blasts, please.
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Post by midcan5 on Jul 4, 2005 15:29:04 GMT -5
On the 4th of July a blessing to the real reason America is a free land: liberalism as thinking and philosophy. Today everyone of all political leanings can together celebrate freedom because of the enlightenment spirit of reason and freedom. And while many still live in poverty in America it is not nearly so bad as it once was due to the New Deal, the Great Society, and opportunity allowed all. Americans strive for a better place and while the ranting of the ring wing attempt to push us back into darkness, the people of America realize that it is only in personal freedom and only in an attempt at justice for all, that America will survive, grow strong, and move forward. And so today in a country where everyone is deep down liberal - while almost everyone - we praise the ideas of personal freedom, of public education, of support when needed, of no government support for any religion, of Social security for those in need, for equality of people and equality of opportunity and for all that liberalism has brought us.
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;D