Post by Edge on Nov 25, 2004 1:35:33 GMT -5
I love telemarketers. They usually give up before I do. Here’s the classic discussion:
_________________________________________
“Good afternoon, this is Rhonda conducting a survey for the Environmental Protection Agency. Do you have a minute?"
-Absolutely, Rhonda. Can you hold on a moment while I get my Bible?
“Your what?”<br>
-My Bible. I’ll be right back.
“Oh well this will only take a minute”.
-Oh and this’ll only take a minute too!
“Okay Sir. First of all, could you give us an ethnic description of you or your spouse?"
-I am dark, but comely, like the cedars of Lebanon and curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am swarthy, because the sun has scorched me.
“Where did you or your family vacation last summer, was it in an urban or forested area?”<br>
-Rhonda, Rhonda: why persecutist thou me? It will be hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”<br>
-We vacationed in the Tents of Kedar.
“Umm—okay, is that a resort or a campground?”<br>
-Neither. Tell me Rhonda, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture YOUR flocks on vacation.
“Uh--let’s just move onto the next question: what kinds of activities do you find most enjoyable outdoors?”<br>
-If you do not know, O fairest among women, why should I tell thee?
"I’m having difficulty following you. Could you please just specify what you enjoy doing outdoors on vacation?"
-Rhonda, O that you would kiss me with the kisses of your mouth! For your love is better than wine.
"Umm—are your parents at home?"
-Home in heaven. Daddy shot himself and mommy hit an iceberg.
"okay, bye!"
___________________________________________
"Hello, this is Bill with Custom Design International. Do you have a moment to discuss an affordable way to revamp your landscape?"
-Absolutely, Bill. But could you hold on a moment while I go to the bathroom?
"Uh, I'll just try back later."
-Wait, Bill. I care about your eternal soul. And I do actually need some landscape revision. But I also have a bladder infection that demands hourly attention and you called right on the hour.
"Like I said, I'll try back. When would be a good time to reach you?"
-Bill, I have another phone in the bathroom. Why don't you just call back and I'll pick up that extension.
"No, really, it's okay."
- Listen to me, Bill. If you don't call back, I might start sacrificing turtledoves after I pass a kidney stone.
"Sir?"
-That's right, Bill. You see, I don't really give a damn about this old house or the surrounding property. I have a home made without hands, eternal in the heavens. You can have one too if you just say a little prayer with me right here on the phone."
"Alright, I've heard enough. Good day."
- Bill!
"What?!"
- He loves you. And I love you. Now I've got to get to the bathroom. Call me back in five minutes and we can finish our discussion.
Click.
_________________________________________
“Good afternoon, this is Rhonda conducting a survey for the Environmental Protection Agency. Do you have a minute?"
-Absolutely, Rhonda. Can you hold on a moment while I get my Bible?
“Your what?”<br>
-My Bible. I’ll be right back.
“Oh well this will only take a minute”.
-Oh and this’ll only take a minute too!
“Okay Sir. First of all, could you give us an ethnic description of you or your spouse?"
-I am dark, but comely, like the cedars of Lebanon and curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am swarthy, because the sun has scorched me.
“Where did you or your family vacation last summer, was it in an urban or forested area?”<br>
-Rhonda, Rhonda: why persecutist thou me? It will be hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”<br>
-We vacationed in the Tents of Kedar.
“Umm—okay, is that a resort or a campground?”<br>
-Neither. Tell me Rhonda, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture YOUR flocks on vacation.
“Uh--let’s just move onto the next question: what kinds of activities do you find most enjoyable outdoors?”<br>
-If you do not know, O fairest among women, why should I tell thee?
"I’m having difficulty following you. Could you please just specify what you enjoy doing outdoors on vacation?"
-Rhonda, O that you would kiss me with the kisses of your mouth! For your love is better than wine.
"Umm—are your parents at home?"
-Home in heaven. Daddy shot himself and mommy hit an iceberg.
"okay, bye!"
___________________________________________
"Hello, this is Bill with Custom Design International. Do you have a moment to discuss an affordable way to revamp your landscape?"
-Absolutely, Bill. But could you hold on a moment while I go to the bathroom?
"Uh, I'll just try back later."
-Wait, Bill. I care about your eternal soul. And I do actually need some landscape revision. But I also have a bladder infection that demands hourly attention and you called right on the hour.
"Like I said, I'll try back. When would be a good time to reach you?"
-Bill, I have another phone in the bathroom. Why don't you just call back and I'll pick up that extension.
"No, really, it's okay."
- Listen to me, Bill. If you don't call back, I might start sacrificing turtledoves after I pass a kidney stone.
"Sir?"
-That's right, Bill. You see, I don't really give a damn about this old house or the surrounding property. I have a home made without hands, eternal in the heavens. You can have one too if you just say a little prayer with me right here on the phone."
"Alright, I've heard enough. Good day."
- Bill!
"What?!"
- He loves you. And I love you. Now I've got to get to the bathroom. Call me back in five minutes and we can finish our discussion.
Click.
