Post by Franklin on Nov 22, 2004 14:52:54 GMT -5
Dear Catholic Friends,
Those of you who are extremely familiar with the more obscure passages of scripture know that Jesus made some passing reference to giving away possessions to the poor. We have always found it difficult to force parishioners to comply with this mandate, as it usually entails expensive gifts for the needy. So, this year we are trying something new. By donating old household junk to the less-blessed, you are still fulfilling the requirements of holy writ and, in addition, may qualify for charitable tax deductions. That should be enough to send all God fearing Catholics to their tool-sheds, basements, and yes, dumpsters to retrieve any items fit for donation.
If the Ghetto serves as any guide, local colored children will be overjoyed to find broken refrigerators, stoves, and cupboards lying on their front lawns early on Thanksgiving morn. Poor Negroes--particularly those with a criminal history--are always looking for new possessions, and it fulfills our sacred obligation to provide our wares to the oppressed by allowing them the use of old Coleman stoves.
Since the secular fascists at the Environmental Protection Agency have made it harder and harder for decent common folks to dispose of things like lead paints, asbestos, and other toxic waste, inner city Ghetto homes provide the ideal place for such items! It would be a waste to throw away all that old paint knowing that some illegal Mexican migrant worker could use it to break the Habitation Laws of the Section 8 Housing Code. Many parishioners may ask if this is indeed justified. We as Church answer in the affirmative. As Christians we have a right to assist in the breakage of State Law if the Land dishonors the Lord.
Thus, in the Spirit of our Triune God, we're killing three birds with one stone: we're helping the needy get their apartments repainted; working to have them expelled from the country after they are discovered for using old, lead paint; and sanctifying ourselves before the Lord by breaking the rules of our unholy, abortive, and fornicative nation. ;D
Broken glass, old razors, old newspapers, glass jars, tin cans, cinder blocks, scratch paper, household debris, aerosol cans and tires may be donated to Saint Dawg Cathedral for further dispersment to Ghetto high schools for use in their "creative art" classes. Those poor people are so clever picking through the trash looking for 'do-dads' we thought we'd just do the right thing and save them the trouble. Simply dump it all right on their lawns this year with a bright smile and holy approval. "He who has more [trash], to him will more [trash] be given".
Blessings.
Bishop Franklin
Arch Bishop, Saint Dawg Diocese
Those of you who are extremely familiar with the more obscure passages of scripture know that Jesus made some passing reference to giving away possessions to the poor. We have always found it difficult to force parishioners to comply with this mandate, as it usually entails expensive gifts for the needy. So, this year we are trying something new. By donating old household junk to the less-blessed, you are still fulfilling the requirements of holy writ and, in addition, may qualify for charitable tax deductions. That should be enough to send all God fearing Catholics to their tool-sheds, basements, and yes, dumpsters to retrieve any items fit for donation.
If the Ghetto serves as any guide, local colored children will be overjoyed to find broken refrigerators, stoves, and cupboards lying on their front lawns early on Thanksgiving morn. Poor Negroes--particularly those with a criminal history--are always looking for new possessions, and it fulfills our sacred obligation to provide our wares to the oppressed by allowing them the use of old Coleman stoves.
Since the secular fascists at the Environmental Protection Agency have made it harder and harder for decent common folks to dispose of things like lead paints, asbestos, and other toxic waste, inner city Ghetto homes provide the ideal place for such items! It would be a waste to throw away all that old paint knowing that some illegal Mexican migrant worker could use it to break the Habitation Laws of the Section 8 Housing Code. Many parishioners may ask if this is indeed justified. We as Church answer in the affirmative. As Christians we have a right to assist in the breakage of State Law if the Land dishonors the Lord.
Thus, in the Spirit of our Triune God, we're killing three birds with one stone: we're helping the needy get their apartments repainted; working to have them expelled from the country after they are discovered for using old, lead paint; and sanctifying ourselves before the Lord by breaking the rules of our unholy, abortive, and fornicative nation. ;D
Broken glass, old razors, old newspapers, glass jars, tin cans, cinder blocks, scratch paper, household debris, aerosol cans and tires may be donated to Saint Dawg Cathedral for further dispersment to Ghetto high schools for use in their "creative art" classes. Those poor people are so clever picking through the trash looking for 'do-dads' we thought we'd just do the right thing and save them the trouble. Simply dump it all right on their lawns this year with a bright smile and holy approval. "He who has more [trash], to him will more [trash] be given".
Blessings.
Bishop Franklin
Arch Bishop, Saint Dawg Diocese
After reading it, I now know the perfect resting place for that old cross I've been meaning to burn.
