Dads Importance to Daughters

[MO]

Dads Importance to Daughters

Fathers.com Weekly

August 2, 2002
CHALLENGING IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
©2002 NCF

What's New ...

Recent studies have yielded some significant insights about fathers' importance to their daughters. At a surprisingly young age, girls begin to absorb society's expectations. As teens, they become vulnerable to the popular messages that focus on their bodies, their looks, and their independence. A university of Arizona study found that 90% of all teenage girls were unhappy with their weight. A parallel study noted that girls who are not affirmed by their fathers are more likely to be promiscuous and less likely to commit to long-term relationships. Another study of 273 young women found that those who lack a father to guide them through adolescence often underachieve in significant ways.

Marshall Hamilton, a well-known researcher, concludes, "The lack of constructive interaction with a loving, attentive father results in apprehension and inadequate skills in a daughter when she relates to males." On the flip side, daughters who have actively engaged fathers become more compassionate adults, have higher self-esteem, and form healthier relationships with men.

To Think About ...

By providing our daughters with the acceptance, attention and affirmation that they yearn for, we can bring some very real benefits into their lives. Two of the biggest are: 1) Confidence to achieve greatness. Involved dads have a knack for inspiring daughters to maximize their gifts and abilities. Dads can give vision for the future and encouragement to "go out there and get 'em." 2) Modeling for their future relationships. Unlike young women without strong fathers, women raised by involved, caring fathers tend to relate to men with confidence, but still have realistic expectations. Because their dads gave them the attention and affection they needed, they see themselves as worthy of being loved, and they know what to expect from a potential husband. They are much less likely to choose someone who will mistreat them.

In the Trenches ...

With great joy, members of the Center's staff witnessed T.J. and Justin Tryphonas walk their mother, Karen, down the aisle and "give her away" in marriage last weekend. In a moving ceremony, these two young men demonstrated great maturity as they joined their mother in inviting her new husband (and their new dad), Mario, into the family.

Dr. Bernard Franklin, founder of our Urban Fathering Project, demonstrated profound, protective, fatherly love for Karen, a longtime friend. While performing the wedding ceremony, Bernard reminded the groom of the blessing and responsibility before him, then graciously "threatened" Mario by saying, "If you don't treat her with respect and dignity, we brothers are going to come and find you, corner you, and ask, 'What's your problem?'"

ACTION POINTS for Committed Fathers


With the permission of her mother, take your daughter out on a date and affirm her in a special way. Tell her at least two qualities you appreciate in her.
Read a book with your daughter or tell her a story that could spark a vision for her future.
Show your child you believe in him. Give him a significant job to complete and then demonstrate that you trust him to do it well.
Ask your wife or children's mother this question: "What would you have liked to hear or experience more with your father?"
For more "great idea" action points to carry out with your daughter, your son, or your wife, check out our website at www.fathers.com/greatidea.



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From:
www.fathers.com/articles/articles.asp?id=468&cat=4

[Citizen]

Reminds me of a sermon a priest gave once.

A prostitute dies and goes to the Pearly Gates, awaiting judgement. God looks at her, and without a word, allows her in.

St. Peter, confused, asked why God let in a sinner. God turns to Peter and says, "That poor girl, had a father that raped and abused her, she never knew what mature love from a male was, and therefore sought the only act of love she knew how to deliver, from many men, when her father comes up, dont hesitate to turn him away and send him down"

That article made me think of that.

Also, I wonder if it matters if it must be a Father that needs to help reaffirm that their daughters are beautiful? Would a father-figure type (an uncle, a grandfather, a step-father, a much older brother, hell even a same-sex partner?) be just as good in helping someone they think of as their daugther build up her self-esteem?

Just something to make everyone go hmmmmmm ;D

[MO]

Also, I wonder if it matters if it must be a Father that needs to help reaffirm that their daughters are beautiful? Would a father-figure type (an uncle, a grandfather, a step-father, a much older brother, hell even a same-sex partner?) be just as good in helping someone they think of as their daugther build up her self-esteem?

I honestly believe that while an appropriate substitute is better than nothing, nothing is as good as the real thing. I have a friend who hasn't seen or heard from her father since she was three. Her grandfather was good to her and tried to step in and give her the father figure she was lacking. She has still always felt like she was abandoned.

Plenty of non-traditional families have their success stories, but according to the statistics, it's never as good. It's time to stop being p.c. about it and admit it. Step-parent families have to work twice as hard to be half as good, and custodial or non-custodial, they need to consider what's in the best interest of the kids.

[Citizen]

It's time to stop being p.c. about it and admit it. Step-parent families have to work twice as hard to be half as good

True, but that has little to do with a step-father (or mother) not being adequate as a father-figure and more with emotionial trauma and stress. All children never bond as close to their step-parents, as their real ones, for obvious reasons. That still doesnt mean that a step-father cant be better then the real thing.

Just a side note, from my personal beliefs,

Plenty of non-traditional families have their success stories

The 'traditionial' family is hardly ever traditionial.

[MO]

Family memories of childhood shape our futures. I don't buy into the opinion that parents are interchangeable with others, or that a steady stream of new boyfriends and uncles can take the place of a father. It is hard enough when a father dies and can't be a part of the child's life. These days, you have fathers choosing to not be a part of their children's lives, because it has become more socially acceptable for them to dodge their responsibilities. We were all better off when a man would have been ostracized for being a dead beat dad. Now you're a dad as long as you pay. Very sad and pathetic, indeed! It is the liberal lies that daddy is not all that important that is causing this phenomenon, and destroying children.

[TNRighty]

Citizen,

Your reply to MO's post about fathers was rediculous. "Well, if you don't have a father around, at least he can't rape you." That's essentially what you said. I'm not a father yet, but I'd bet every father on this board who read that got really pissed. Because MO is a conservative, you were hell bent on disagreeing in some way, shape, or form. And that was just down right tacky. MO could've told you "2+2=4", and you'dve had something to say about it.

[Citizen]

Family memories of childhood shape our futures. I don't buy into the opinion that parents are interchangeable with others, or that a steady stream of new boyfriends and uncles can take the place of a father.

I never said anything of THAT sort. But I think steady parenthood is what shape our children, not the sex of our parents. Some mothers are the discplinarians and the ones that "lead" the family (I personally believe a marriage is a partnership of equal value to both parties, but this trails us off from the main point of this thread) and sometimes it's the father's that are more of a "push-over" and let kids get away with certain things. My point being that steady parenthood in the shape of an uncle helping his brother's widow raise children or a grandmother lending a hand if the biological mother has passed on, really shouldnt matter in the child's eyes, just as long as the well-being of the child is the most important thing.

Yes I know this arguement also applies to same-sex couples but there is a homosexual thread on this board and if THAT argument needs to be pursued, I'm sure it can be done there.

Very sad and pathetic, indeed! It is the liberal lies that daddy is not all that important that is causing this phenomenon, and destroying children

I dont think it's fair to label this a 'liberal' thing, because fathers (and mothers) throughout time have been dodging their duties because of society - liberal or conservative.

I believe it's sad that "taking care of your child" now means "paying alimony" but like I said before, if the father cant take those responsibilities, I dont see how another permnanent solution can be just as good.

[swamper]

Citizen,
Your reply to MO's post about fathers was rediculous. "Well, if you don't have a father around, at least he can't rape you." That's essentially what you said. I'm not a father yet, but I'd bet every father on this board who read that got really pissed. Because MO is a conservative, you were hell bent on disagreeing in some way, shape, or form. And that was just down right tacky. MO could've told you "2+2=4", and you'dve had something to say about it.

Yes, Matter, that's the impression I got from citizen's post as well. As the father of two daughters I was very much offended, and regarded citizen's post as more of the left-wing family bashing that has become so prevalent in the last 30 years.

swamper

[MO]

Liberals will continue to lie about what makes a family. They will continue to run the schools, so your kids need good parents to counter the pollution that liberal educators will feed them. Liberal feminist types run social services agencies that do their best to tell divorced fathers that the only thing they are good for is money. Men need to stand up for their rights! Men who don't are just as guilty as the liberals perpetuating the lies.

[Citizen]

Your reply to MO's post about fathers was ridiculous. "Well, if you don't have a father around, at least he can't rape you." That's essentially what you said.

WHAT? No it is not what I essentially said. All I said was post the inquiry, IF a child cannot have their biological father around, for whatever reason, why is any permanent substitute available, not good enough?

Because MO is a conservative, you were hell bent on disagreeing in some way, shape, or form.

I thought I was being civil with MO, I just brought up a point, that I felt should've been addressed. If I offended her in any way, I apologize (would be nice to know exactly HOW I did that ;D).

Swamper,

Yes, Matter, that's the impression I got from citizen's post as well. As the father of two daughters I was very much offended, and regarded citizen's post as more of the left-wing family bashing that has become so prevalent in the last 30 years.

HOW did it offend, I am terribly confused at this point? God forbid something happened to you, in which you passed on, as a father, wouldnt you want your girls looked after? I'm not saying anyone could take your place in their eyes (you CLEARLY dont need me telling you this) but would'nt you like it if your brother/grandmother/whomever stepped in and helped raised those girls, as you would've had them raised? It's not a rhetorical question.

MO,

Liberals will continue to lie about what makes a family.

What makes a family in your mind then?

They will continue to run the schools, so your kids need good parents to counter the pollution that liberal educators will feed them. Liberal feminist types run social services agencies that do their best to tell divorced fathers that the only thing they are good for is money. Men need to stand up for their rights! Men who don't are just as guilty as the liberals perpetuating the lies.

That's a pretty shallow statement. You make it sound like there aren't conservatives out there that do have children to support and dont. You're labelling a problem on society as the 'liberals' fault because it doesnt follow suit with your conservative ideology as to what makes a family.

The problems you described are caused by everyone. No teaching in a school is going to fix anything, people screw up. Conservatives will have babies out of wedlock, liberals will as well, both will abandon responsibilities to their children, it happens, it's been happening since the dawn of time and will continue to happen. It's not on the rise, it's been hidden for a long time. I'm not saying I tolerate a man or a woman running out on their family, but it's naive to think, it's on the rise because society is becoming more secular.

It's also pretty saddening that a father is first seen in a biological sense and not the nuturing sense. What makes a father, a father?

[MO]

Because the statistics show that it's not just as good. And even in split families, the parents have a responsibility to hang around enough together to rise the kids, even if you have to fight your way to visitation!

What makes a family in your mind then?

Mom, dad ,and kids. Sometimes it takes step parenting and all kinds of different scene to get the job done. That doesn't mean they are all equal. Clearly, the best thing for kids is to grow up with both their mother and their father in the same house! My own kid's family isn't that perfect, but I still realize that is the ideal!

[RC364]

The ideal life would be to have both. The reality on the other hand is that sometimes it is not possible. BUT, when it is possible, it should remain that way.

[MO]

I agree, RC. I think the liberal attitude that all families are equal has made it more acceptable for people not to do right by their kids. It was only a few generations ago that a dead beat dad ( financially or physically) would have been looked on as a social pariah. I don't think that was such a bad thing. There were not so many of them.

[Citizen]

I think the liberal attitude that all families are equal has made it more acceptable for people not to do right by their kids.

I think this statement equates one problem to an ideology that doesnt really make sense.

The 'traditionial' family setting has changed since the beginning of time and will continue to do so. A dead beat dad (or mom) as nothing to do with the ever-changing family setting.

A few generations ago, there were massive problems with the 'traditionial' family setting; they were just never talked about.

[MO]

Yes, people from the right and the left will engage in the irresponsible behavior that hurts kids, but it's the social liberals that give it legitimacy and claim it is equal. Traditional families ARE better, by every social indicator including youth crime, drug abuse, teenage promiscuity/pregnancy and poverty.

Canada IP, that explains a lot.