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Post by scrap on Jun 15, 2005 15:23:43 GMT -5
I'll be the DI here goes: Too many hackneyed phrase in the beginning, get rid of brimming etc, we know your heart was pounding but sounds too much like a cliche. It gets better when you say what you know. Root ? don't ask forgiveness and if well done it can't be boring tell the story. Eating can be the central elements but it all th other things that make the story. Why did the numbers dwindle - another bad word. Suicide ? Dear Johns? What? I once lead a guy to mess who suffered a complete nervous break down and he was a leader in the first days. Boot camp broke him Tell us the details of what happened those early mornings for those who were not marines tell us what is unique. " I grew up in a home with six kids two parents and various pets so I was accustomed to yelling and screaming, but nothing could have prepared me for the next few months." Re write above. No time now but I liked it. Aim for shorter sentences more exact words and details. later I appreciate constructive criticism from both sides of the aisle. I find it a bit amusing that the harshest critic comes from the LEFT. Why do you suppose that is. I wonder what the reactions would have been if I'd signed in as a newbie with no one knowing where my loyalties lie. Like I said in one of the early posts this was not going to be one of those how hard it is to get through Boot Camp stories, so I didn't feel the need to tell alot of the history of why some made it and others didn't. Talking about how some poor guy had a nervous breakdown is a sad attention grabber. I didn't feel the need to demean someone because they were not up to the task emotionally. I recently hooked back up with a guy I went to Boot Camp with. We recognized each other from some posts on a Military forum. He told me some things that were going on in his families life while we were going through P.I. together. He managed to make it despite the hurdles life tossed in his way. Without getting specific, all I'll say is I'm glad I didn't have to make some of his decisions. I shudder to think what would have happened to your breakdown guy at P.I. |
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Post by midcan5 on Jun 15, 2005 17:59:50 GMT -5
Harshest critic? That same criticism would be directed towards any writer no matter what their position or anything else. It was directed at the writing not the person. I see one fundamental difference in these quorums between liberals and conservatives I have noticed often in real life. Conservatives live in an imaginary world, they are somehow unable to fact the harsh realities of life and instead gloss over the hard parts. Your boot camp is too nice the numbers dwindled, but you are unable to say why. Having a nervous breakdown is something experienced by many people so acting as if it is something we need to hide is again not facing reality. It is why you are all so attached to symbols and not to real things.
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Post by scrap on Jun 16, 2005 10:51:25 GMT -5
I didn't say I minded the criticism I said I found it amusing.
Quote,
Conservatives live in an imaginary world, they are somehow unable to fact the harsh realities of life and instead gloss over the hard parts.
Where do you come off making a generalized statement like that especially directed at me. You know nothing about me or the life I lead.
I served my time in the Military and have been a Blue Collar worker my entire life.I've seen my family through some of the most devastating medical problems life has.
I gave my sister a kidney so she could extend her time on this Earth another ten years.
I volunteer for worthwhile causes in my area and I treat others as I would like to be treated so don't tell me about not facing the harsh realities of life you moron.
quote,
Your boot camp is too nice the numbers dwindled, but you are unable to say why. Having a nervous breakdown is something experienced by many people so acting as if it is something we need to hide is again not facing reality. It is why you are all so attached to symbols and not to real things.
One last time about Boot Camp.
It was not a pleasant experience to go through but that's not what the story was about, so I didn't write it like that.
If you want to hear about the harshness of P.I. read another story.
I'm not trying to hide from reality when I don't speak about peoples breakdowns, just using common courtesy,of which you apparently have none of.
I'm not unable to say why the numbers dwindled I chose not to.
I believe you've proved my point about being the harshest critic why don't you face the reality of it.
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Post by Patriot on Jun 16, 2005 19:43:17 GMT -5
Since Midcan has failed to provide name, branch, division, rank, and serial number, we'll just dismiss him/her for what he/she is: a liar and a loudmouth.
Scrap: don't cast your pearls before swine.
Midcan's just a "wannabe". The criticism of a "wannabe" is worthless-- entirely devoid of value. Now, the criticism of, say, Stormin Norman Swarzkopf-- or, R. Lee Ermey (Mail Call on the History Channel), or any of your brothers in arms-- that's the criticism that would carry weight. The rest is just bullshit.
Kinda like a Chairborne Ranger telling Carlos Hathcock how to squeeze a trigger. Baloney.
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Post by midcan5 on Jun 17, 2005 14:41:45 GMT -5
"I didn't say I minded the criticism I said I found it amusing." Ah come on, be honest, no one likes criticism even though we sugar coat it as constructive. Without generalized statements we would never understand anything. I said conservatives, not you, again another trait i notice in cons, it is always about you, there is seriously a lack of empathy and that is part of my point in pointing out the soldier who suffered the nervous breakdown. While it probably has too many big words for you Patriot, Harry Frankfurt has an excellent essay Bullshit. It is in a small book form now. Essentially he says BS is the disregard of reality. It is not lying but rather a lack of concern for the truth. Sorta like the administration you support. Patriot, remember the salt tablets they used to give you in boot camp, just maybe you swallowed too many. Saltpeter they would say. I owe you no information, there are eight vets in my immediate family as well as father and father in law. Mother worked the Navy yard in Philly during wwII. We liberals served. www.snopes.com/military/saltpetr.htm |
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Post by scrap on Jun 21, 2005 11:19:14 GMT -5
Quote: "I didn't say I minded the criticism I said I found it amusing." Ah come on, be honest, no one likes criticism even though we sugar coat it as constructive.
I asked for a critique so I assumed I would get some criticism, so your wrong again with your supposition.
Quote:
Without generalized statements we would never understand anything. I said conservatives, not you, again another trait i notice in cons, it is always about you, there is seriously a lack of empathy and that is part of my point in pointing out the soldier who suffered the nervous breakdown.
You were answering my post so why wouldn't I think you were speaking to me. Not a very big leap.
A lack of empathy is an odd statement to make about me when I'm the one not willing to talk about others failures during Boot Camp. They are of a private nature. I felt no need to air them in public, but you don't seem to have that problem.
Quote:
Patriot, remember the salt tablets they used to give you in boot camp, just maybe you swallowed too many. Saltpeter they would say. I owe you no information, there are eight vets in my immediate family as well as father and father in law. Mother worked the Navy yard in Philly during wwII. We liberals served
If you speak about the military from a personal viewpoint that's fine but if you speak of it from your families perspective that's a different story. Be a grownup and say so one way or the other or stop inferring that you served.
I'm proud of my time in the Marine Corps and I will tell anyone who asks, that yes I served.
As for your critique I'll take some of your suggestions under advisement.
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