Post by Patriot on Mar 13, 2006 14:57:11 GMT -5
JP Morgan Chase, an online bank, has a big problem right now. For the past 2 months fraudalant emails have been circulating in their name, claiming various accounts are being shut down, etc. Well, it so happens that these fake emails have been bombarding my email address. I'm not a Chase customer, so it makes the problem even more annoying for me to have to read notices urging me to "update" my "account information".
Rather than sit and wait for the phone to ring, I took the war to the telemarketers!
That's right. I dialed JP Morgan Chase and got connected (after a ten minute wait) to the internet security department. I thought about hanging up because the wait was so long, but relished the idea of what was to come. Sure enough, I got my chance. A woman said, "Thank you for calling JP Morgan Chase Internet Security Hotline, how may I help you?"
I said, "You can start by handing the phone to your supervisor". She said, "I'm sorry, supervisor transfers are only in the case of top level security breaches".
I said, "well lady, this is a top security breach". She said, "hold one moment". I waited. Then a man's squeaky voice picked up the phone. He repeated the standard Chase greeting and asked me what my problem was.
I said, "You listen to me, you snaughty son of a liberal bitch. My email address is being bombarded with emails bearing the Chase logo telling me my account has been vandalized-- but I don't even have a Chase account!"
He said, "ahem, yes well there are a bunch of fake emails circulating now-- it's been going on for about two months."
I said, "well what are you going to do about it? I'm deleting at least 20 of these things per day!"
He said, "well there are so many that there's not much we can..." I cut him off and said, "You can start by pulling your head out of your ass and contacting the FBI. Trace the damned idiots who run the scam. This is highly unprofessional and an embarassment to your bank. Do you hear me?"
Silence.
"I said do you hear me? Comprende Espanol?"
"Yes I heard you", he said ruefully.
"Now get this, and get it good", I said. "Your bank really sucks. Write that on a sticky note and send it up the chain of command to your Board of Directors. Give 'em my cell phone number and tell them to call me if any of them need directions on how to extricate their head from their ass".
"Sir may I ask that you..."
"No you may not! No you may not. Now go back to work and start doing your goddamned job".
I hung up the phone and took a deep breathe. Boy that felt good!
Rather than sit and wait for the phone to ring, I took the war to the telemarketers!
That's right. I dialed JP Morgan Chase and got connected (after a ten minute wait) to the internet security department. I thought about hanging up because the wait was so long, but relished the idea of what was to come. Sure enough, I got my chance. A woman said, "Thank you for calling JP Morgan Chase Internet Security Hotline, how may I help you?"
I said, "You can start by handing the phone to your supervisor". She said, "I'm sorry, supervisor transfers are only in the case of top level security breaches".
I said, "well lady, this is a top security breach". She said, "hold one moment". I waited. Then a man's squeaky voice picked up the phone. He repeated the standard Chase greeting and asked me what my problem was.
I said, "You listen to me, you snaughty son of a liberal bitch. My email address is being bombarded with emails bearing the Chase logo telling me my account has been vandalized-- but I don't even have a Chase account!"
He said, "ahem, yes well there are a bunch of fake emails circulating now-- it's been going on for about two months."
I said, "well what are you going to do about it? I'm deleting at least 20 of these things per day!"
He said, "well there are so many that there's not much we can..." I cut him off and said, "You can start by pulling your head out of your ass and contacting the FBI. Trace the damned idiots who run the scam. This is highly unprofessional and an embarassment to your bank. Do you hear me?"
Silence.
"I said do you hear me? Comprende Espanol?"
"Yes I heard you", he said ruefully.
"Now get this, and get it good", I said. "Your bank really sucks. Write that on a sticky note and send it up the chain of command to your Board of Directors. Give 'em my cell phone number and tell them to call me if any of them need directions on how to extricate their head from their ass".
"Sir may I ask that you..."
"No you may not! No you may not. Now go back to work and start doing your goddamned job".
I hung up the phone and took a deep breathe. Boy that felt good!